Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Breaking the one resolution I was trying the hardest to keep

Well, I kept one of my resolutions for 13 days. Not even two weeks. That's horrible!

The worse part about it, it was the resolution I have been trying the hardest to work on, #9 Yell Less and be more calm with my kids.

My husband and I have 5 kids. I have four and he has one. That one is a teenager.... A boy teenager.... He's 14, so that means he is in his 2nd year of teens....

If you've never had a teenager, let me educate you. 

Girls, are probably the worse and by far the most expensive. You have emotions, feelings, dances, boyfriends, looks, clothes, prom, pictures, image, and the list goes on... Plus I feel that they secretly dye their hair another color from blonde. Not downing blondes but we all know the saying. Teen age girls loose their ability to think clearly or rather they loose all common sense. I've had 2. I'm a pro at teenage girls, and we all lived thru it.

Now to boys. Boys start caring about their appearance more (thank goodness) but they still don't have to have outrageously expensive clothes. They care a little more about girls and their social life. They also acquire this immediate they know everything. 


You can't tell them anything. Which girls are the same. With that knowledge they become giant smart mouths.

And this is where my temper takes over my resolution.

Yesterday was the worse day to have with the kids. WORSE! 

Unfortunately, #5 has the same attitude and mouth as #3, except he's only 7. I can't WAIT for him to be a teenager. (sarcasm)

Tuesday at our house is trash day. With 4 kids in the house, most of the time, we rotate who does what. Yesterday was #2 and #3's turn. Number two really doesn't even live here anymore but she was here long enough to get nominated to do trash duty. That way #3 didn't have to do it all by himself.  One child takes all the trashes out; two bathrooms, computer room, kitchen, and whatever else needs to go. The other child rolls the trash can to the street. If you took out one week, the next week you get to roll. 

Now the younger ones, #4 & #5 do not live here all the time. Their father and I have joint custody so we have them every other 2 days. This was our weekend. 

Thursday, #3 emptied the dishwasher...and it was a fight!

Friday, #4 emptied the dishwasher, and feed the dog.

Saturday, #4 took out the trash and feed the dog.

Sunday, #4 & #5 emptied the dishwasher; #4 helped cook, and feed the dog.

Monday, #2 and friend emptied the dishwasher.

Do you see a pattern here? Number three hasn't done anything since Thursday. So it shouldn't be such a big deal for him to do anything right?

WRONG! You could never be so wrong!!!

When he get's in from school and wonders around for a few minutes, I tell him to take trashes out and feed the dog.

His reply, "of course". Not in a nice tone either.

This was at 4:04. 

4:20 you hear him complaining about how much trash needs to be taken out.

4:30, #2 comes back from the longest Taco Bell run ever (that's a whole other post) and says she's taking down the trash. #3 screams that he hasn't finished all the trash. Now he's not gonna finish it if she takes it down. She's only doing it because he hasn't done his part yet. 

Ok...he's had almost 30 minutes to get it done and it's the same distance by the garage or by the road...we live in town...not a long country road.  
I tell him to go get it done then. He leaves and comes back and yells that he can never do any laundry. My dryer takes forever so I still have clothes in the washer. He tells me that he is not doing the trash until the washer is emptied.


I keep my calm and tell him to just go finish what he is suppose to do.

5:15, all the trash is still not done and you hear the poor dog trying to break down the door to be feed. Number three comes in the kitchen wrapped in his blanket. I tell him to go get his stuff done. 
"I'm hungry". 
"Ok, you've been home over an hour, get your stuff done and you can eat. Actually, go get it done and when you get back I'll have all the leftovers pulled out so you can warm something up."
"You can't even get the clothes off the washer, what makes you think you'll pull the food out!"

I'm done! I can't keep my calm anymore. I start yelling but not down right screaming. 

He walks out of the room, changes clothes and goes to get the bathroom trash. 
"There's not a bag in this trash." 
"Just dump it in a bag." I've taken 2 breaths by this point...
"People need to learn to do their chores right in this house!"

I am keeping my mouth shut while I thinking of all the times I had to dump trash out of a can because HE didn't put a bag in it.

Now he is singing a song about not putting a trash bag in the can. 
"It's not that big of deal, you've done it too." 
I can feel my temper slowly boiling. 

Another comment, then another, then another, then another.... I can't take it anymore.

I starting screaming. Not just normal screaming, the kind of screaming that you feel every muscle in your face tighten up as you're scream each word.


Another comment... SHUT UP... another comment. 

I'm so done at this point. I yell at #2 to help me carry out the trash from the garage, that I wasn't gonna to even try to ask #3 to take out. She knows I'm mad so she says nothing but jumps up and helps.

As we're walking to the trash can I can feel the tears. Now they flow... I've tried so hard to keep my cool, not to be loud, to be fair...but it doesn't matter.

Sadly, there is absolutely no support from my husband. If I was to say anything about it, it would just start a fight between us...again. But I know if anyone of my children talked to him like that, he would not tolerate it and I would never hear the end of it. The difference...he doesn't have to say anything cause I don't allow it either!

I leave for #5's basketball practice. Crying the entire time it takes to get there. Gather myself and walk in.

Practice is going fine until the very end. We start to scrimmage and #5 throws a fit and walks off the court. I don't tolerate that...go home! I tell him to take his scrimmage jersey off and go home. He starts screaming at me. Go home...still screaming. 

I've already put up with one attitude today that I can do absolutely nothing about...I refuse to take it from my child. I grab him by the hand to walk him off the court and he flops down. I drag him to the bathroom with him kicking, screaming, and grabbing onto rails and everything. I can feel the heat in my face and I loose my cool....again. I spanked him one time because I was so upset I was afraid I would loose control. I yell at him and send him out.

After I make him apologize to his other coaches and team, he leaves. Then I leave...crying...again. 

I finally find my husband around 9:30 but I don't want to ruin his evening just yet so I mention nothing. When we finally get home together, guess what is waiting in the walk way of the the middle of the walk way...the computer and bathroom trashes that were not taken out. 
I mean..Really? 
To make matters worse, my husband walks around it without saying a thing. 

This morning when I get up, #3 is already up and dressed...but the trash is still sitting there. I make coffee and iron the husband's clothes. Allowing Satan to win again...I tell my husband, "I'm not walking around that trash all day. Just because he wants to give ultimatums before he does anything." 

Laughter....that's what I get. Not a question or comment...just laughter with attitude. 

Laughter after the day I had. Laughter after the hurt I had. Laughter that I feel your child shows me no respect. Laughter...

After everyone leaves this morning, I get up to start my day. In this house, where, like most moms/wives I feel disrespected. The difference, I'm really not wanted here. If I left today, my husband and his son would probably celebrate. But I stay. Not so much by choice, but I still stay. One reason is because we're married. We are suppose to work thru the good and the bad. One of my husbands, #3 and #5 down falls if it doesn't go right...just quit.

I'm not a quitter. 

Though I feel sometimes that if my husband had my back more, it wouldn't be this hard. We wouldn't argue as much. Our marriage would be calmer. Sadly, this is something we will probably never know. 

I want to discipline my children.

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.
Proverbs 13:24 New Living Translation

I love my children.
ALL of them.
I want to be a good mother and step parent.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

But I want to remain calm while doing it. Find another way to be on their level.  Stopping for 3 seconds before reacting, (The 3-second pause). But with their respect too.

I really want to fix one thing about myself this year, and it's not loose my cool with my kids...any of them. 

Now to start over. Not to give up. Just like an alcoholic who falls off the wagon. Take it one day at a time.

Santa knows this is the hardest thing I will ever be able to change about myself. He gives me struggles each day to fight...And for 13 days...I beat him. 

Number 3 keeps screaming at the TV and walking around eating (big pet peeve) and making random smart comments.

But I breath and say nothing....

Day One.

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